Tag Archives: Online Dating Sites

Online Dating

Can a Girl Make the First Move in Online Dating?

I’ve written before about my old-fashioned views on whether or not a girl should make the first move with a guy. I felt the need to write about this subject again, only this time, in regards to girls taking the initiative, and making the first move in online dating. When it comes to girls making the first move, I generally don’t think it’s wise. However, online dating can get quite complicated, and there will be times when people will get so swamped with emails, chat messages, winks, favorites, etc., and they might be overlooked, and unnoticed.

Online Dating

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Many times, any of the above can get lost, or not seen, and we don’t end up seeing who looked at our profile, winked at us, who sent us a message, or whatever else. What many people don’t understand, men specifically, is that generally speaking, women get more attention, more emails, and more of everything else when it comes to being contacted on dating sites. The reason is that men are generally known to be the aggressors, and they pursue the women. It’s true however, many women pursue just as hard as men these days, and sometimes even harder in order to get what they want. That includes taking the initiative, taking the lead, reaching out to men, and making the first move.

When it comes to online dating, just like how it is outside of the cyber world, I don’t believe that women should act as the aggressors, and I don’t believe that they should make the first move. Having said that, in this cyber world of online dating, being that it’s so challenging, and being that many times a woman will get so swamped with emails that she may never even know that you contacted her, I believe that women can contact a man first. When a woman takes the initiative, I feel that she should do it delicately, and keep it short.

Many people don’t respond or even check likes, flirts, or favorites, so don’t bother with them, and send a short message. A woman should say hello, or any greeting that she likes, leave her name and even possibly mention to check out her profile, and if interested, yadda, yadda. I don’t believe that a woman should start asking heavy questions, or put herself out there more than sending the first email to a guy in online dating. I still believe that men should be the aggressors in relationships, and definitely during early dating.

If you’re a patient type of girl or woman, you should merely click on the profile of the man that you’re interested in, and being that men don’t generally get as much attention on dating sites as women do, he might see that you viewed him, and if he’s interested, he’ll contact you first. In other words, all you have to do is view his profile, and then let him take the lead, or at least give him a chance to do so. However, many times a man won’t reach out to you after seeing that you viewed him.

You can usually tell if a guy goes online after you viewed him, or if he was currently online while viewed him, and yet he may still make no contact. In cases like that, it’s possible that he didn’t actually see that you viewed him online, and you should go ahead and send him a short, but sweet message.

Like I said before, there’s nothing wrong with a woman initiating a conversation in online dating. The fact of the matter is, in life and in love, if you don’t go after what you want, you won’t get it, and why risk not getting what you want. You should definitely go after something that you want to be yours. It definitely doesn’t hurt to try, and it’s okay to take the initiative. If you think about it, when it comes to online dating, there’s a 50/50 chance that you’ll get a positive response. Yes, folks, the glass is half full, and you should think positively, and especially if you’re going to be sending out the first message.

When I say that men should be the pursuers, the aggressors, and make the first move, and preferably, even when it comes to online dating, it’s not a game. I’m definitely not into mind games. However, I believe in giving situations a chance, and that goes as well for giving a man the chance to step up, take the initiative, and contact a woman first.

For me personally, I’ve seldom sent out messages where I was the one taking the initiative. However, when I ever felt that a certain profile appeared to be so incredibly striking, and to the point where I didn’t want to miss out on a possible chance with the person, I’d reach out first. I recently took a poll in one of my Facebook groups, called “Dating and Relationship Advice,” and I asked all of the men how they felt about a woman taking the initiative, and making the first move.

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Most of the men responded positively and felt that it was a really good thing when a woman made the first move. There were just a few people that disagreed, or felt that there was a fine line between a woman taking the initiative, and making the first move being a good thing, but doing so without being too aggressive. I’d have to agree with the latter because I don’t believe that a woman should be aggressive during early dating or upon just meeting someone.

During early dating, a woman shouldn’t come across as too intense when it comes to making the first move. Don’t get me wrong, I think that most people can agree that nothing is more attractive than a powerful, motivated, and driven woman that’s crazy smart, and knows what she wants. Other than those men out there that get intimidated by those types of powerful woman, I still think that a small part of everyone finds them appealing. A powerful woman outside of the bedroom isn’t necessarily a powerful woman inside of the bedroom. As well, the same goes for the woman that appear soft, sweet, and innocent outside of the bedroom, they could wind up being brutally aggressive inside of it.

Despite what type of woman someone is, whether it’s a powerful, strong, boss type of woman, or an old-fashioned, sweet, homemaking type, the same rule applies for making the first contact with a man online. Give a man a chance to take the lead, but if he doesn’t, you should do so gently, subtly, and you don’t have to worry about being bold enough to get noticed, because a woman that takes the initiative is already bold, and you’ll stand out to him for putting yourself out there. Good luck strong women!

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Married Life

10 Things I Love About Married Life

Married Life can be a challenge. There are ups and downs as life throws you curveballs. My husband and I are still young in our marriage, but we’ve been through a lot together already (most notably a hectic pregnancy, delivery and NICU stay). Despite some of the difficulties we’ve faced, we love married life. Here is my list of 10 things I love about being married!

Married Life

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1. Married Life Is An Adventure

You basically never know what is going to happen next! Before we got married, everything hinged on getting to the wedding date so life would slow down and we could enjoy it. But it didn’t slow down at all! We got married, moved, I started university in a big town, he got a new job, we went on a late honeymoon, got pregnant, and then had a baby, all in a year. Now we chase a toddler around and try to make sure he doesn’t break anything important while managing a side business and taking care of things around the house. Who knows what our next adventure will be!


2. We Are Never Alone

We’ve had a lot of rough nights in our marriage, some due to issues during pregnancy and health issues, others due to the fact that toddlers think sleeping is evil. We’ve dealt with more ER trips that should be necessary for any one family in their entire lifetime, but we’ve gotten through it, together. We’ve always been there for each other because we are a team in life now.


3. We Get To Goof Off Together

Y’all, my husband is so goofy, and I love it. He likes to practice his numerous different voices for characters he has in his head when we are driving, and cooking dinner, and going to bed…really all the time. I also have a goofy side, but it manifests by scaring him at inopportune times, locking him outside the car and making him dance before I let him back in…you know, that sort of thing.


4. We Drive Each Other Crazy

On top of goofing off together, we also tend to lapse into driving each other crazy. I like singing off key to country songs he hates (which is practically all of them) and he likes telling me that all country music songs are about duct tape and pickle jars. At which point, he makes up a “country” song to prove this point.

He also insists that there is a right way to put on the toilet paper roll, and I disagree, but you know what? It doesn’t matter if you can’t even put the toilet paper roll on the roller because the toddler is like a cat and will unroll it all and throw it in the toilet, so ha! We will settle this one when our son acts more like a human than a cat.


5. Life Isn’t About You Anymore

It has been said that parenting will knock the selfishness right out of you, but I contend that marriage provides the training wheels for learning that. You will, either instinctively or by intentional decision, begin to put the needs of your spouse before your own. Life becomes about doing what is best for them, not doing all the things you want.


6. We Become Different People Together

I always think it is interesting when I see conversations in Facebook groups about how one spouse has “changed” and they are no longer the person who the poster married. Perhaps I’m missing the mark, but I think to myself, “Isn’t that the point?” Since my husband married me, I’ve gone from a technical “teen” to a twenty-something, from a childless woman to the mother of a beautiful little boy, and added on some baggage from the traumatic pregnancy and NICU stay.

I am most definitely not the woman he married, but that is a good thing. If I was, I would wager something would be wrong. Experiences and time change people, and expecting any less is a little delusional. I’m thankful that I’ve had the honor of watching my husband become a father and watched him accel in different career paths. We’ve become different people together, and that is a wonderful thing.

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7. The Inside Jokes

My husband and I have so many inside jokes. Some of which has gotten me in trouble, but that is a story for another time. I remember having random inside jokes with my friends as a kid, but they weren’t personal, they were based on pop culture or the community we were in. The inside jokes my husband and I have been about anything and everything in our lives, and occasionally we will try to get each other to laugh at inappropriate moments by using the code words for some of them.


8. We Get to Sleep in the Same Bed

This one might not be appreciated as much by common culture, but my husband and I participated in the purity culture movement, and as a result, were virgins on the wedding night. There were a lot of rules and things we couldn’t do, but I never realized how nice it would be to literally just sleep in the same bed together. I think this is one of the most underappreciated aspects of marriage, actually sleeping next to someone…even if they hog covers or snore.


9. Sex (Am I allowed to say that?) 

As I mentioned before, my husband and I waited until we were married to have sex. It is definitely one of the best parts of married life, in my humble opinion. I’ve written for Anne about some of the issues with purity culture making things difficult for us early on, but after a bit of deprogramming, I can say I’m glad we waited and I can only see things getting better from here.


10. Best Friends For Married Life

I think the best part of married life is knowing that you get to spend every day going forward together, looking forward to seeing each other, anticipating and rising to challenges in life and doing that not just “together” but as best friends. I’m so thankful I made the leap and said “I do” to my husband. I can’t imagine life without him.

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Love

Are You Afraid to Fall in Love?

So you’re finally on the market again and ready to date. There’s only one problem—you feel scared. What are you scared of? Well, you might be scared of getting hurt again. You might be scared of falling in love with someone and having it end in another heartache. And you might be scared of developing feelings for someone and then things eventually not working out, leaving you in pain. Or you might even be scared of finally having everything that you’ve dreamed of, and you feel afraid because you just don’t want to mess it up.

Love

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Are You Afraid to Fall in Love?

What’s important to realize is that being scared is going to put a pause on you going forward with someone. You can’t fall in love when you’re scared. Not really, at least. You can start to develop feelings for someone, but it won’t get very far when you’re scared. Having said that, with time your heart may open up more and more, and your fears may dissipate. But, who knows how long that will take! I wrote this article for people who are afraid or know someone who’s afraid to fall in love and risk getting hurt.

Everyone has had a broken heart at some point in time. When you start dating with hopes to go into a new relationship, you need to have an open heart. As well as having an open heart, you also don’t want to bring in any baggage from your previous relationships. It’s important to have an open heart so that you can fall in love again. If your heart’s not open, there’s no chance of you falling in love.

Many of us have been hurt from previous relationships, and despite the fact that we may give ourselves enough time to heal from them, sometimes, there are still traces of residual pain and heartache. When we’ve been hurt before or still have some pain in our hearts, despite having had time to heal, it can make us scared to let anyone in again emotionally. When you’re scared, a relationship has no chance of going anywhere, because you’re not letting anyone see the real you or get too close to you. And essentially, what people are going to fall in love with is the real you. So you have to let them see who you really are and what you’re really all about. To get to know someone, you have to let them get to know you on a deeper level, and that’s only possible when you let down your guard and open your heart fully.

I don’t believe in going into new situations with a guard or an emotional wall up to protect you. Being cautious doesn’t mean that you should build an emotional protective wall. It means keeping your eyes open for any signs of a person not having mutual feelings. It’s important to be on the same page as the other person and to make sure that they’re developing feelings for you as well.

The truth is, there’s only one way to go about dating someone new and starting a new relationship. You have to go into each new situation with an open heart, but also with caution. The keyword here is caution. You need to teach yourself not to be scared, but to be cautious instead. When you’re cautious, you’re aware that the relationship could take a bad turn and end up in a break-up. When you’re cautious, you realize that your heart must be open, but that there are no guarantees that things will work out. It’s never good to be paranoid that things won’t work out in a new relationship. But, being cautious is a way of protecting yourself just enough so that you won’t experience too much pain if things don’t work out. In order to fall in love, you have to risk getting hurt. You have to risk going through some pain and heartache if it doesn’t work out.

When dating someone new or starting a new relationship, you should always try to be optimistic and have a positive outlook. You should try to be a glass is the half full type of person. You should be happy and excited about exploring a situation with someone new. A new relationship has all of the promise to become everything that you’re looking for. You just have to give it a real chance. To give it a real chance, you have to have an open heart.

Go at a pace that’s comfortable for you, where you see that the other person is a really good match, and where you can see that they feel the same way about you. You should feel as if you’re on the same page and mutually developing feelings for one another. To those people who have found that special someone and are hoping to start something new with them, remember that you should have a blank, clean slate and that you should go into every new situation cautiously, but with an open heart.

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When people are too afraid of going after what they want in life, it usually holds them back. We should never be afraid to go after what we want, and that includes our desire to love and to be loved. We all deserve to feel loved. We all deserve to feel loved to the greatest and most passionate extent. But when we’re not ready or simply not open to embracing someone’s love and letting them truly get to know us on a deeper level, it will be impossible to happen.

We’ve all been hurt before. But, if you really want to fall in love, you need to be emotionally ready by opening up your heart and by risking getting hurt. Remember, being cautious is very different than being afraid. There’s no need to jump right in. You can slowly dip your feet in and take your time, by going at a pace that’s comfortable for you. Let things progress at a level where you feel safe. In time, things will naturally tend to speed up. Having said that, no one should ever pressure you to go faster in any way than you’re comfortable with. And when it comes to developing feelings, you can’t make someone feel something that they don’t or to feel things faster than what comes naturally to them.

Last but not least, recognize when you have an emotional wall up, and tear it down. This is something that we all have the power to control. We have the power to take down walls that we build. We can take them down just as fast as we can build them. So take it down, let go, and risk getting hurt, so you’ll be able to feel and embrace love once again. Proceed with caution, and leave fear behind you. Love is worth the risk.

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Online Dating

Online Dating Sites Best and Worst-2018

Online Dating Sites As many of us know, being single, and meeting people can sometimes be a challenge when you’re not into the bar hopping or club scene. More and more people are turning to online dating as the main source for how to meet people. I’ve written many articles about online dating, but I haven’t really specified what I think are the best and worst sites. For me personally, I’ve been on and off of dating sites for some time now, off more than on, being that I follow the “3 Date Rule.” What can I say, I like to give things a chance!

Online Dating Sites

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Best and Worst Online Dating Sites

Despite what many people think, I’m actually truly looking to find the love of my life, get remarried, and have more children. I’m not on dating sites or involved in Facebook dating groups just to share my blog posts, although I do. Online dating is a great way to meet new people, but you have to be cautious and dedicated to finding a match. Once you find a possible match, you should turn your dating sites off at the appropriate time (3 dates), in order to give things a real chance.

I’m sure everyone has their preferences when it comes to which online dating sites they prefer to use if any. However, from my personal experience, and from some minor research that I’ve done, I’m going to share with you some of that sites that I think are the best, worst, and why I feel that way. I’m not going to list every dating site that there is, nor the specific ones that I might be on personally because this is not my way of putting myself out on the market because my status I choose to remain private for now. So to all of those nosey people out there that follow my blog, just to be nosey, well, first off, thank you for reading (wink, wink), and stop being so nosey, and just love me Online Dating Sites.

I hope to give people an idea of the pros and cons of the sites that I mention, at least from my perspective. Keep in mind, I write from my heart, and I don’t have a massive ego, so when I write my feelings about these dating sites, please understand that it’s coming from a very direct and honest place. I hope that this article will help anyone that’s considering online dating, and to those that have tried online dating, I’m wondering if you experience any of the same things. Feel free to comment your thoughts at the end of the post.


Tinder:

There are so many people on Tinder. Being a woman, men are usually the aggressors and send out messages first, so the number of messages that I’ve received were so many that I couldn’t respond to nearly anyone. That sounded so hubris, but it’s true! The more times that you swipe right, the more messages that you’re going to get (if they’re interested as well). This is why auto-liking is by no means in anyone’s benefit if they’re actually hoping to meet someone. “Tenderly” is a free app that you can download that will auto-like profiles of everyone that you wrote down in your preferences. However, unless you pay a fee, even Tenderly won’t be able to like very many at once.

On Tinder, everyone only gets a certain amount of swipes per day. I found that to be a negative thing because that can delay someone finding their true love sooner, rather than later. Paying for a subscription on Tinder is crazy if you ask me! The reason is that everyone and anyone will be sending you messages, and you’ll never get to respond to most of them.

You’re not supposed to respond to all messages anyway, only the ones that you’re interested in, but still, there’s an immense amount of messages. It becomes overwhelming, to the point where I would turn on a different dating site instead, not reading any of the messages, or completely lose interest for the day. In case you don’t know, many people will get angry, defensive, and ask you why you bothered swiping right because you never responded. Don’t you love the world of dating sites!

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Match:

I’d have to say that Match is my favorite dating site out of all of them. On Match, you’re able to narrow down your search results for someone that seems like a good fit, as opposed to eHarmony asking 1000 questions. When you turn on a dating site, all you really want to do is put up a few pictures and write a good, decent profile, be very honest and direct, display a bit of your personality, and start searching. No one wants to answer 1 billion questions unless they don’t have a life outside of the dating site world. Just saying…

Match has many good things about it. If you’re going to pay a subscription to any dating site, I recommend Match being the only one, or at least the number one. The reason that I find Match to be the best is that I’ve met more upper class, intellectual, motivated, and driven types, and people that generally fit the description of what I’m personally looking for. I like the fact that you can mark certain things as to who you’re hoping to meet, without even having to display it to the public.

For example, you can display the amount of education of the person that you hope to meet, whether they have pets, and whether or not they’re single, separated, divorced, or widowed, etc. As well, you’re allowed to have many different searches and saved searches as well. When you don’t have the time to online Dating Sites all day searching, you can have those specific searches emailed to you by checking a little box.

I found Match to be the most organized of all of the Online Dating Sites. If someone is bothering, harassing, or obsessively emailing you over and over again (which happens folks), you can easily block them from them seeing you in their search results. Match has a lot of people on their site, but as opposed to the other sites that have so many people as well, the types of people seem to be more upscale, classy, and most of them, as opposed to many of the hookup dating sites, are actually looking for something meaningful. Don’t get me wrong, because you seriously have to weed through all of the people that have different intentions than what they say.

One of the bad things that I found on Match a lot, was that many of the men are lying about their age. Whether they tell you their real age on the first phone call, on the first date, or whenever, it’s dishonest. Whenever I’ve seen that someone’s age isn’t accurate (or anything else), I’d consider them dishonest, and I wouldn’t go out with them (or again, if we went out once). Honesty is everything! Most of the men who lied about their age said that they were doing so, because they were hoping to find someone younger, and figured that younger women tend to only search for men within a certain age range.

All of those men that I’ve spoken to have always had a similar response, but in my opinion, it makes them come across as insecure, dishonest, and I personally wouldn’t give them a chance. This goes for anything that’s dishonest, including posting pictures that are misleading, and likely from many years ago. Pictures are supposed to be current, and although you can’t expect photoshop to stop, you’re not supposed to post old pictures that you look nothing like. I’m picky, I know, but it’s good to be picky!


JDate:

I used to think that JDate was just as good as Match, if not better. JDate is good if you’re hoping to meet someone that’s Jewish. It definitely narrows down people into one religion. However, many people that are on JDate are not actually Jewish. Crazy, right? JDate is supposed to be for Jewish people only, but many people are just hoping to meet someone that’s Jewish, and so they use JDate as their online source. I personally haven’t come across a lot of that, but I hear such from others. One good thing about JDate is that there are many professionals, intellectuals, and people that are truly looking for something meaningful. In this way, JDate is very similar to Match. However, The problem with JDate is that the same people are on it for years, and there are rarely new faces that show up in search results. Yes, even when your search results are expanded and within a wide range.

I used to think JDate was a great way to meet people, but they recently upgraded their systems, and now there’s a whole new look to their website. Normally, and over time, I’d get used to a whole new look and design, when it’s better, but I must say, I’m not impressed, nor thrilled with the new design of their website. Now JDate is complicated to use on the computer, as well as the fact that the Jdate app was never any good. However, now the app is better than using the computer. I’ve paid for JDate subscriptions, but I must tell you, I won’t do it again.

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JSwipe:

In case you haven’t read it, “JSwipe auto-like!” Seriously though, JSwipe is like a better, and much cooler version of JDate. It’s much easier to use, and it’s supposed to be for Jewish people as well, but just like JDate, people that aren’t Jewish, but hope to meet someone that’s Jewish will join as well. Anytime that someone auto-likes, they’ll end up with heavy duty messages, and might even create an angry crowd if they don’t respond to some or most of them. Did I mention that people hate when you don’t respond! I think that JSwipe is a pretty good site for Online Dating Sites. It’s a free Online Dating Sites, which is great, yet you still have to weed through who’s on there with pure intentions, and looking for something meaningful, as opposed to who is merely looking for a hookup.


OkCupid:

OkCupid is probably one of the most difficult sites to weed out the people that are merely looking for a hookup and people that are looking for something meaningful. You don’t have to answer all of the questions that OkCupid asks, but the fact that they ask some of them at all is ridiculous if you ask me. They ask questions and you’re supposed to see if your responses and the other person’s matchup. From your responses, they give you both a percentage as to how well you matched up together. This is kind of like Match, except for the fact that the questions on OkCupid are borderline vulgar. They ask you a lot of questions about sex and your preferences.

As well, they’re extremely open to people’s Online Dating Sites preferences. They give you many options for those that are interested in dating someone of their own gender or possibly dating both men and women. OkCupid is a very open-minded site. Most of the people on OkCupid that I’ve come across are usually either just looking for a hookup, send ridiculous messages, or are borderline crazy.

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eHarmony:

I never tried eHarmony, because their damn questions took me forever! It wasn’t just the extent of the questions, but it was the types of questions that they asked. I felt as if the questions that they were asking were invasive and too personal. I didn’t want to be labeled as a group or category solely based on my upbringing and past experiences all the way from childhood. As much as our pasts have made us into who we are today, it’s our present, and future that I believe should match up the most. But hey, that’s just me! Many people have worked hard on themselves, and have had to overcome a great deal. The questions are so labeling, that it will put you into categories with people that might’ve had troubled pasts and upbringings, but not all of those people have worked on themselves Online Dating Sites.

I’m way too honest to give the wrong information, so that wasn’t an option. It’s one thing to have a list of 10 or 20 questions even, but eHarmony takes the cake when it comes to asking questions. It’s kind of insane to the point where even in their advertisements on television now, there’s a person saying, “Well, have you tried eHarmony?” The person responding with, “I wanted to, but there were so many questions.” I’m not sure who’s doing their advertising and marketing, but I wouldn’t draw attention to one of their weakest and most negative points.


Bumble:

Bumble is great! Well, it’s great if you’re a man who likes when women initiate. Bumble is an Online Dating Sites app where women MUST make the first move once they match up. However, if you’re a woman or a man with an old school mentality of the men must make the first move and take the lead, this might not be a great option for you. One bad thing that I’ve noticed about Bumble is that there are many fake profiles. And another thing that’s unfortunately not so great about Bumble, is the fact that many people are on there for things like networking, and not only dating. So for a woman to make the first move on a dating app, you would think that she’d at least know for sure that the man she was initiating contact with was on there to date Online Dating Sites.

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